I am injured and will not be able to race Raid the North Extreme. This fucking sucks. Everything since the Burnaby MOMAR had been going well; my training was ramping up, I felt great and was so looking forward to this upcoming race. I had no signs of any problems whatsoever until last weekend when my back flared up during and XC mountain bike race. My lower back generally gets sore during an all out mountain bike race so it didn't cause any alarm bells. The course was super mucky due to torrential morning rains so I decided to pull out of the race to avoid any injuries. The rest of the weekend was great and I resumed some runs and bike rides into the week. Then, one day late last week, my back spasmed out and I was back to square one again. WTF! I went to see my physio who has been so helpful to me at this point, and I found that I do infact have a bulged L4/L5 disc. He has had tons of experience with this injury as he has worked with the National Rowing team in which this type of injury is very common. While he said that I could be racing a short event in as little as a few weeks, doing something like RTNX is just not possible. It is the type of injury that if it occurs (during the race), there is absolutely no possibility of continuing on and 'pushing through the pain'. When your back shuts down on you, you are like a pile of shit on the floor. There is also a very real possibility of rupturing/herniating the disc which could mean years off and never a full recovery. Regardless, I told myself that I would see how the recovery went over the weekend as this occurrance has not been quite as bad as previous ones. Everyday gets better but the fact that I still can't tie my shoe laces from a standing position tells everything. You have no idea how fucking aggrivating this injury has been (or at least I hope you don't). The biggest problem up to this point has been the lack of knowledge in how to go about healing. Unlike other injuries, in a week from now, I will feel great and could go about 'normal' sedentary activities without hint of injury. But, as soon as I push anything, relapse occurs and I start the process all over again. At least I will have some guidance this time around to really know what exactly I should and shouldn't be doing and at what kind of intensity level. Obviously, when I said yes to this race, I had no idea that this would once again occur and this is really a complete surprise to me that I have to write this.
For the team, I really hope we can all find a strong replacement that will be able to completment the team. I will do whatever I can to search for and recommend another teammate.
Again, this totally fucking sucks but I guess this is life.
To My Back,
Why do you keep letting me down. I am here, ready and able to take on any challenges that I may face and when facing these obstacles, you wither like a plucked flower on a hot day. One moment, my whole being is ripe with energy, toes gripping the ground with firing calves, quads and hamstrings ready to let go. The next moment I am a blob of useless mass lying on the floor... all because of you. All this power that you decide to hinder. What's worse is that you blow up at the most inopportune times. You are so self-centred. I cannot tell you enough how frustrated I am in your ability to continually let me down. I hate you. I wish you would leave my life forever. You're a useless coward. I wish you were dead.
However, I cannot replace you so have to live with your petty gripes that aim to ruin my life. You are delegating me to sit on a bus and read books while my bicycle collects dust in my shed. My main mode of transportation and the freedom of my life is now in your hands.
Does this make you feel powerful to be able to control me so?
How does it feel to be in such control?
Can we just talk about this? Really? I mean, what is it that bothers you so? I thought you liked biking. Not to mention running and paddling and climbing and the various other pursuits that we have bonded together with over the years. You never mentioned anything problematic to me before. Is it something I said? Do you want to be a normal person who only walks to and from the car for exercise? Should I start to take the elevator at work? Please talk to me!!!
I'm sorry I'm feeling so bloody frustrated and taking it out on you. Please get better soon so that we can resume the things we love doing so dearly.
Your friend for life,